I wrote this morning about what I’ve been doing; I intentionally didn’t say anything about what I’ve been thinking.
I like to be passionate about issues. Issues are safe. They don’t get their feelings hurt, they don’t fight back, they are just kinda metaphysical.
What I’ve been thinking is that I need to be less about issues than I am about people. Whether the global economy tanks or soars tomorrow, or whether somebody sets off a dirty nuke in a major American city, or whether kids are given a little space to pray or just collect their thoughts before the school day starts … these are all important in their own way, but when it comes down to it, my relationship with those closest to me is what needs to be nourished in order to survive whatever circumstances might arise.
It is much easier for me to talk about the issues of the day than my feelings of the day. I can be fairly coherent when discussing the follies of politicos and the motivations for devious people; but it is much harder for me to talk to my wife about how a word from her makes or breaks me. I don’t have too much trouble telling my kids that I love them, or whispering as I tuck them into bed about their future and where I see them growing; but I wonder at what age that will begin to feel awkward.
As for the people around me in my real life – there’s a tipping point where I share enough of me that I start to feel vulnerable. At that point I have to decide if I am willing to risk being snubbed or otherwise hurt, or if I will pull my head back into my shell. I moved just often enough as a kid to remember how adept I became at making new friends, but becoming attached to no one. I’ve been in Atlanta for ten or eleven years now, and I still have very few people who know me much beyond a casual greeting.
I’m not suggesting that I am going to immediately become Mr. Relational (sounds a bit like Miss Congeniality, doesn’t it?). I just think I may be focusing more on the little picture of the world I live in, and can ultimately influence, than the big old world outside where I am a very insignificant speck.
I could give a lot of energy to issues; but, while they don’t fight back, they also won’t keep you company as you grow old.
Matt
Categories: Home Sweet Home · stuff in my head
Haven’t been intentionally silent – just been busy.
I started working out three weeks ago. I found a gym near my house with reasonable rates, and they’re open early enough that I can go hurt myself for a full thirty to forty minutes before I head to the office. Eight pounds down, sixty to go.
Also been doing some projects around the house. Friend of a friend donated a playset – fort, slide, three swings – and that is a monster of a one-man assembly job. Fortunately, I had help of both the friend and the friend of the friend when we disassembled the whole thing from its original locale. I know I have friends who would help with the assembly; I’ve just been enjoying the silence and muscle strain – makes me feel very manly.
Still have a lot of stuff on the burner in terms of posts – just have to get through about another six weeks of heavy prep for my Asia trip, and then I’ll be back to normal.
Obviously, I won’t be blogging from there; my blog is banned in my destination country.
Have a good one. See you around.
Categories: stuff in my head
